As I said earlier in a blog, I am meeting all sorts of interesting people and learning a lot. All the people have been very nice and are so good about answering questions about their different cultures and traditions. When ask, I share with them also. I have gotten to know several people pretty well already in the short time I have been here.
One of the Indian women was telling me about her daughter getting married last year and now the daughter is pregnant, living in Bangalore, India with her husband. She's due in June. The mother - according to their tradition - will leave Singapore next month fly to Bangalore, and escort her daughter back to Singapore to stay until she has the baby. They will purchase clothes for the baby, clothes for the mother for after having the baby; blankets, booties, all sorts of things. After the daughter has her baby, she will then remain at her mother's for at least 40 days. I did not quite get the understanding of why 40 days, but it must be at least 40 days. Then the mother will escort her and the baby back to their home in Bangalore. She said this is a custom among her "people" which she explains means what her extended family has practiced for 6 generations. I asked about the daughter's husband and the baby's father being present for the birth. The mother answers this question with a wave of her very elegant hand, that has gold bangles on it from wrist to elbow, and says to me ," He does not need to be here for this - he has already fulfilled his duties by impregnanting her. The rest we will do." Different cultures, different ways!
One of the girls from Singapore I have met is 29. Her parents and grandparents were all born here as was she, but relatives before that emigrated from China. When asked where are you from, she and her mother say, "We are Chinese, but we were born in Singapore." To most of the people we have met, where their ancestors are from, the traditions and practices they follow are much more important than simply where they happen to be born.
When I first met her she was being married the next day - we met at the nail salon - is there a better place to get acquainted? She was getting her nails done for her big day. For weddings the girls will get very intricate flowers painted on their fingers and toes complete with tiny faux pearls and gems for the centers of the flowers. Very elaborate and pretty. Some of the things she told me about their weddings: The emphasis is on your area's and your family's traditions and practices that have been followed for many generations. Religion plays much less a part in what and why they do things the way they do. They have a tea ceremony in her mother's home for friends and family of the bride the morning of their marriage, followed by a tea ceremony at his parents' home for the groom's friends and family. He shows respect to her parents and grandparents with small presents. She does the same to his parents and grandparents. He wears a suit and she wears something like if you were having a nice dinner out. They then go to the registry building for the signing of the marriage papers. It's done at the government building and performed by a civil servent, not religious and no spoken words of "do you take, etc, etc". Some girls at this point wear a wedding dress as we know them, or a fancy tea length dress. Never a veil though. Many of the friends and family accompany them. This is always done on a week day. No appointments are taken. You just show up and wait your turn, along with however small or large a group is with you. No decorations or flowers, except this is when the groom presents the bride with a bouquet of flowers, which she holds during the signing of the papers and has with her again later in the evening. Large bouquets as we are accustomed to seeing some brides carry are considered very poor taste here. After the registry is completed, everyone goes home and get all dressed up for a dinner. Very dressed up, both short and long for the women, most times a tux or a nice suit for the men. The bride's dress can be any color she wants. Red and gold are considered the best colors for luck, prosperity, good fortune, etc. Lots of the friends and family wear these colors. Usually they reserve a banquet room at a hotel or a restaurant. The entire restaurant will close for the entire evening, so a wedding dinner can take place. Depending on the size and how over-the-top it is, the dinner can be anywhere from 3 courses to 15 courses and even the small ones go on for hours. Many times even though the restaurant will lose money for the evening because it has been reserved for a wedding, it is considered good luck and gives the restaurant an excellent recommendation among people in general because they are showing that despite the loss, they care. A good reputation is very highly regarded and is considered to be as important as the profit. The feeling is, and seems to be true, that a good reputation will go very far in producing a good profit. And all this time, I thought a good restaurant was just based on food and service! The bride has bridesmaids, but they do not dress alike. Same for the groom's attendents. They have no duties - it's an honorary thing. Sometimes an elder will offer a blessing if they are asked to do so, but there is no religious ceremony that accompanies any of the process. During the evening there is dancing, at larger ones entertainment, lots of toasts (sometimes alcohol is served, sometimes not) and the bride and groom are showered with small red envelopes containing money. The only gifts other than money they are given is jewelry. There is no registering for gifts and no showers of any kind. Many times they have been given an engagement party, but that's all, and no presents then. If they can afford it, they purchase an apartment before the marriage, but after they are married the custom is to live with one set of parents, usually the bride's parents. This is supposed to be so the bride's mother can "teach" her to be a good wife. They rent out their purchased apartment - it'sconsidereda good investment. They live with the parents until they have one, usually two children. Then they either sell their place they bought for an investment and buy a new place or they move into that one.
I received a call from the girls at the nail salon one day telling me my new friend was going to be there at 3 pm and would I come see her wedding pictures. I wondered why didn't call me herself since we had exchanged phone numbers. I later learned that custom dictates that had she called me herself I might have felt obligated to go. Since it came through a third person, I was under no obligation. She brought her mother with her, in case I did come so I could meet her. Also since I came, she called her husband and had him come by to pick them up after their nails were done. Later I learned that was so I could meet him also. Otherwise, she and her mother would have taken a taxi home. Evidently, I am told by others, that having come to view her wedding pictures I was essentially saying I want to know you and your family. It was a good thing all the way around. I have now been invited to their home for tea.
One of my goals while I am here is to get myself invited to a variety of parties and weddings, so I can see the different houses, decorations, etc for the different cultures. They say the Indian weddings are by far the most elaborate of them all.
Lynn - I have actually rescued a plant that was left on my terrace by the last people. It looked pathetic when I got here. Trimmed it, cleaned it up - it seems to have perked up. I think it might have been considering hari-cari, but is sticking around to see how things go.
Sam- I am so glad about your new job!!!
Jim and Pam - say hi to Lindsay for me, stay safe and don't drink the water!
Flossie - how's that embroidery machine working?
Yes Heather - he's still there!
One of the Indian women was telling me about her daughter getting married last year and now the daughter is pregnant, living in Bangalore, India with her husband. She's due in June. The mother - according to their tradition - will leave Singapore next month fly to Bangalore, and escort her daughter back to Singapore to stay until she has the baby. They will purchase clothes for the baby, clothes for the mother for after having the baby; blankets, booties, all sorts of things. After the daughter has her baby, she will then remain at her mother's for at least 40 days. I did not quite get the understanding of why 40 days, but it must be at least 40 days. Then the mother will escort her and the baby back to their home in Bangalore. She said this is a custom among her "people" which she explains means what her extended family has practiced for 6 generations. I asked about the daughter's husband and the baby's father being present for the birth. The mother answers this question with a wave of her very elegant hand, that has gold bangles on it from wrist to elbow, and says to me ," He does not need to be here for this - he has already fulfilled his duties by impregnanting her. The rest we will do." Different cultures, different ways!
One of the girls from Singapore I have met is 29. Her parents and grandparents were all born here as was she, but relatives before that emigrated from China. When asked where are you from, she and her mother say, "We are Chinese, but we were born in Singapore." To most of the people we have met, where their ancestors are from, the traditions and practices they follow are much more important than simply where they happen to be born.
When I first met her she was being married the next day - we met at the nail salon - is there a better place to get acquainted? She was getting her nails done for her big day. For weddings the girls will get very intricate flowers painted on their fingers and toes complete with tiny faux pearls and gems for the centers of the flowers. Very elaborate and pretty. Some of the things she told me about their weddings: The emphasis is on your area's and your family's traditions and practices that have been followed for many generations. Religion plays much less a part in what and why they do things the way they do. They have a tea ceremony in her mother's home for friends and family of the bride the morning of their marriage, followed by a tea ceremony at his parents' home for the groom's friends and family. He shows respect to her parents and grandparents with small presents. She does the same to his parents and grandparents. He wears a suit and she wears something like if you were having a nice dinner out. They then go to the registry building for the signing of the marriage papers. It's done at the government building and performed by a civil servent, not religious and no spoken words of "do you take, etc, etc". Some girls at this point wear a wedding dress as we know them, or a fancy tea length dress. Never a veil though. Many of the friends and family accompany them. This is always done on a week day. No appointments are taken. You just show up and wait your turn, along with however small or large a group is with you. No decorations or flowers, except this is when the groom presents the bride with a bouquet of flowers, which she holds during the signing of the papers and has with her again later in the evening. Large bouquets as we are accustomed to seeing some brides carry are considered very poor taste here. After the registry is completed, everyone goes home and get all dressed up for a dinner. Very dressed up, both short and long for the women, most times a tux or a nice suit for the men. The bride's dress can be any color she wants. Red and gold are considered the best colors for luck, prosperity, good fortune, etc. Lots of the friends and family wear these colors. Usually they reserve a banquet room at a hotel or a restaurant. The entire restaurant will close for the entire evening, so a wedding dinner can take place. Depending on the size and how over-the-top it is, the dinner can be anywhere from 3 courses to 15 courses and even the small ones go on for hours. Many times even though the restaurant will lose money for the evening because it has been reserved for a wedding, it is considered good luck and gives the restaurant an excellent recommendation among people in general because they are showing that despite the loss, they care. A good reputation is very highly regarded and is considered to be as important as the profit. The feeling is, and seems to be true, that a good reputation will go very far in producing a good profit. And all this time, I thought a good restaurant was just based on food and service! The bride has bridesmaids, but they do not dress alike. Same for the groom's attendents. They have no duties - it's an honorary thing. Sometimes an elder will offer a blessing if they are asked to do so, but there is no religious ceremony that accompanies any of the process. During the evening there is dancing, at larger ones entertainment, lots of toasts (sometimes alcohol is served, sometimes not) and the bride and groom are showered with small red envelopes containing money. The only gifts other than money they are given is jewelry. There is no registering for gifts and no showers of any kind. Many times they have been given an engagement party, but that's all, and no presents then. If they can afford it, they purchase an apartment before the marriage, but after they are married the custom is to live with one set of parents, usually the bride's parents. This is supposed to be so the bride's mother can "teach" her to be a good wife. They rent out their purchased apartment - it'sconsidereda good investment. They live with the parents until they have one, usually two children. Then they either sell their place they bought for an investment and buy a new place or they move into that one.
I received a call from the girls at the nail salon one day telling me my new friend was going to be there at 3 pm and would I come see her wedding pictures. I wondered why didn't call me herself since we had exchanged phone numbers. I later learned that custom dictates that had she called me herself I might have felt obligated to go. Since it came through a third person, I was under no obligation. She brought her mother with her, in case I did come so I could meet her. Also since I came, she called her husband and had him come by to pick them up after their nails were done. Later I learned that was so I could meet him also. Otherwise, she and her mother would have taken a taxi home. Evidently, I am told by others, that having come to view her wedding pictures I was essentially saying I want to know you and your family. It was a good thing all the way around. I have now been invited to their home for tea.
One of my goals while I am here is to get myself invited to a variety of parties and weddings, so I can see the different houses, decorations, etc for the different cultures. They say the Indian weddings are by far the most elaborate of them all.
Lynn - I have actually rescued a plant that was left on my terrace by the last people. It looked pathetic when I got here. Trimmed it, cleaned it up - it seems to have perked up. I think it might have been considering hari-cari, but is sticking around to see how things go.
Sam- I am so glad about your new job!!!
Jim and Pam - say hi to Lindsay for me, stay safe and don't drink the water!
Flossie - how's that embroidery machine working?
Yes Heather - he's still there!
